2 Dorks, 1 Camera

They say every man must face his own personal demons, the skeletons in his closet. I find this unpleasant, as my skeletons are most likely osteoporific (patent pending) and in need of marrow transplants, or at least milk. And who am I to “out” my skeletons? They can stay in the closet if they so desire. I have decided instead to face the closeted skeletons of my friend John Robertson. See, John and I were in SPIRAL together in 7th grade (SPIRAL, incidentally, stands for SPring branch IRAL). This was a program supposedly for talented and creative kids, though I have here provided evidence that they should revisit their vetting process. Most of the smart kids with any awareness of social strata dropped out of the program, but John and I had bigger ideas than simply salvaging any claim to coolness. See, in this class were the heartthrobs of SBJH, the Alford twins, and we saw overwhelming humor as our tickets to their hearts.

With this in mind, we undertook “The Alamo”. We showed ourselves to be not only hilarious, but cultured, delicately juxtaposing Rocky III with Tears for Fears, the Terminator with Hunter. This was to be our Opus, the first step towards a lavish Hollywood lifestyle with the Alfords. Well, curiously, we got a B on the project, and never got a date with the twins (or much of anyone else). But at least we got this video out of the deal.

I should probably mention here that I don’t actually appear in the video. My voice does, and the camera work and editing were all yours truly, but John was our on-screen presence. So, for those of you with 10 minutes to throw away, enjoy…

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  1. Todd’s avatar

    I’m too lazy to follow the link, but I assume IRAL stands for “I Really Are Learned”?

    Like I said before, Beeman: Wow.

  2. Beeman’s avatar

    Yeah, see? You thought I was all super-cool and up to my ribs in babes back in the day, didn’t you? Well, no.

  3. Strawberry’s avatar

    After watching this, I just have to wonder just how brain-dead I must have seemed as an 11 year old to be considered neither gifted nor talented enough to be part of SPIRAL.

    Separately, Beems, I would have to loved to watch you and Robbie staring intently — not at the screen while this was playing, but — at the Alford twins and then watching your reactions as you realized about 10 seconds into this that they weren’t loving this nearly as much as you had hoped.

    Thanks for posting and I look forward to seeing footage of our ninja movie gracing these pages in the near future.

  4. Beeman’s avatar

    Ooh, “Enter the Ninjerk”, that does need to be captured for time immemorial. Gotta dig that one up. I do have a few others in the works.

    As for the Alfords, maybe this is delusional, but I feel like it was a big hit in that class. The next year everyone wanted to be our partner for the big project. Perhaps they just told us SPIRAL was for smart kids?

    By the way, John Morris was in that class, ask him if that made us kings or dweebs.

  5. Zxirupofrur’s avatar

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  6. Beeman’s avatar

    Well that’s exciting. My first spam comment. I feel so legitimate. I didn’t read the whole thing, but I like that the last 4 words are “penis pushed his sack”.