They say every man must face his own personal demons, the skeletons in his closet. I find this unpleasant, as my skeletons are most likely osteoporific (patent pending) and in need of marrow transplants, or at least milk. And who am I to “out” my skeletons? They can stay in the closet if they so desire. I have decided instead to face the closeted skeletons of my friend John Robertson. See, John and I were in SPIRAL together in 7th grade (SPIRAL, incidentally, stands for SPring branch IRAL). This was a program supposedly for talented and creative kids, though I have here provided evidence that they should revisit their vetting process. Most of the smart kids with any awareness of social strata dropped out of the program, but John and I had bigger ideas than simply salvaging any claim to coolness. See, in this class were the heartthrobs of SBJH, the Alford twins, and we saw overwhelming humor as our tickets to their hearts.
With this in mind, we undertook “The Alamo”. We showed ourselves to be not only hilarious, but cultured, delicately juxtaposing Rocky III with Tears for Fears, the Terminator with Hunter. This was to be our Opus, the first step towards a lavish Hollywood lifestyle with the Alfords. Well, curiously, we got a B on the project, and never got a date with the twins (or much of anyone else). But at least we got this video out of the deal.
I should probably mention here that I don’t actually appear in the video. My voice does, and the camera work and editing were all yours truly, but John was our on-screen presence. So, for those of you with 10 minutes to throw away, enjoy…